When it comes to fixing hair and choosing clothes, Lydia and I are often at a stand-still. Her choices are, shall we say, interesting and rarely what I would choose for her. Now, I have friends who compliment their daughter's personal choices that actually come out looking modern, chic even. But I just can't make the same boast. I understand that patterns can be mixed, but pink and green polka-dots and maroon stripes will never make the circuit of fashion. And those are the things she likes. Her come-back is often, "but there's pink in the skirt and the shirt", like having a similar color automatically means matching. Also, if she had her druthers, she'd wear her sister's 3T clothes every day, because they are "cuter" than her clothes. And she often does - never caring that her skinny belly shows or that her shoulders are going to burst out of the elastic arms.
But that's just clothing. Luckily she wears a uniform everyday so the "don't wear that!" conversation comes only now and again. It's the hair that has been our biggest battle. I want her to feel confident and independent but the control freak in me has the hardest time staying silent when the pony-tail she did all by herself has left several strands on the neck and bumpies on the top (all you ladies know what I"m talking about). So, I will casually mention that I could "re-do" it for her if she wants. For some reason, my re-doing it always ends in tears because a) she doesn't like that I've messed up her creation and b) she doesn't want to hurt my feelings and tell me that and c) she knows I'll give the frustrated sigh, the disappointed look and rip out what I've done when she does tell me she doesn't want it that way.
To write it down, I sound really mean. And maybe I have been. So, one week ago today - one of these morning battles occurred and feeling guilty as she was about to go out the door, I got down on her level - hugged her and told her I was sorry I tried to change it all the time, that she does a great job fixing her hair, and I won't interfere (unless it's for pictures or something :-)). Now, I've made this promise to myself before, but all week I've stuck to it. I've been much more patient, have held my tongue, and today - 7 days later, she asked me to fix it "the way Lanie had it yesterday, in braids." Cue choir.
With pleasure, I got to help her this morning - of course following her directions, but still -- we may have come to a bargaining place. I give her room to do her thing, and eventually, she'll see I may actually come in handy with the braids and the pony-tail, and let's be honest, I hope she seeks my advice in all the many choices she'll be making in years to come, not just hair-related. I don't know if I dread it, or if I'm excited about it. But if the hair battle is anything close to the future, it will be a learning experience for both of us.
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