And with that introduction, let me tell you a little bit about myself if you don't already know. I"m a bit of a downer, and when I say that, I don't mean a Debbie downer who rains on people's parades, but instead, I tend to be down on myself. Why? Who knows. Nothing in my past life would point to that. It's almost as if I have a little bit of Martin Luther, the early years, in me. In his youth, he felt so much law, such a need to do good works, that he ran into the ground punishing himself for not being good enough, UNTIL --- the gospel. The gospel happened, and he was freed. And then (and I hate to say yada, yada, yada about such an important man and event, but) and then came the reformation.
So, back to 2012. I am certain we all, or at least most of the women I know, all have a little of this in them. Call it self-loathing, call it not-living-up-to-expectations, call it lack of confidence, call it worry, call it guilt, call it fear. I call it ridiculous. Ridiculous that my cup would be nothing but filled to full with God's grace each and every day when I see the wonder of His works and ways. We all fall short of the glory of God, that's why we need Christ. I know that. I sometimes think that I just fall short more than others.
I attend a wonderful women's Bible study and I am awed and amazed each week by the insight these women have and how vividly they are able to describe their relationship with the Lord. My flaws during these sessions are my words, my impromptu words. Not a week goes by that I don't walk out feeling both blessed at what I've learned and at the same time negatively self-focused in what I said wrong. Why did I say that? That's not what I meant. How did that come across? And on and on.
Do you hear it? Me. Me. Me.
And therein lies the problem. And Beth Moore taught me this in her study of JAMES, which is really just scripture -- as long as it's about ME, I will not grow in my faith. As long as it's about ME, I will miss friendship with the Lord and an abundant life. As long as it's about ME, I will miss blessing others as we are called to do, as we are created to do.
Don't you love when your own self-wallowing is followed by just the right spiritual words. My dear, dear friend Tina, just finished a 10 week, online Bible study called Blessed-Blessing. (Please read it if you haven't already.) It has been an amazing journey to read along with her and the many other women each week who read her devotion, and learn about several women of the Bible who were a blessing. She challenged us to take that plunge and bless others. Today's lesson was on the Proverbs 31 woman. I've studied her before and have always felt so overwhelmed by how imperfect I was compared to her. (Again, that self-loathing I've identified in my personality). But the way Tina planted her on the page today, just spoke volumes to me, and my ME issue. While I did not get permission (sorry Tina), I would like to quote one of her lines:
"This woman lives and works for others. This noble wife has learned the lesson that Life if Not About Me. Instead, she’s a servant. She trusts that God will provide, and, in turn, she gives."
Isn't that succinctly put. My self-pity will not draw me closer, but my trust in God's love, compassion, and forgiveness will. My lack of confidence does not make me humble, but knees bending in prayer will. My fear will not make me noble, but my service to others will. And if I start to rattle on that my service isn't "Proverbs 31 woman" enough, is not perfect, is not needed, is not worthy - would you please remind me again that it's not about me.
I have so much to learn. I just thank God that I have such wonderful Christian counsel and friendships along the way that point me to the Gospel and the message of salvation, forgiveness and love. I really just want to breathe that in. All.. of.. the.. time.
So glad blessed-blessing served as an inspiration to you! Love you!
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