Little Lanie

 

    My little Lanie, who doesn't seem so little anymore, turned 4 today.  For the longest time, I've felt like with Lanie, we could still hold on to baby things: baby toys, baby blankets, baby bibs.  But, as long as I've held onto these things thinking we might use them again, she might play with this again, truth be told, she's growing past all of those things that have been in our house for the past 9 years.  When you have a new baby in the house every 2 years, those baby items never get fully stored.
    But today, today I think we've crossed over to that place so many of my other friends who have older children confronted years ago.  With relish, they threw out all of those baby items, ready to make room for elementary toys.  I don't know if I relish that, at least not today.  In fact, I'm a bit choked up right now thinking about it.
    When I think back to 4 years ago to the night of Lanie's birth, I remember the full moon as we walked into the hospital.  I remember Mike and Tina sitting with us late into the night until I was ready. I remember watching Michael Phelps get his 7th gold medal and Usain Bolt (sp?) breaking the world record.  I remember that the nurse had to come into our room to borrow a chair which I thought was odd.  Why wouldn't there be enough chairs in the incredibly quiet wing of the hospital we were in?  I remember that I was terrified of the pain to come since I wasn't getting an epidural and finally when the pain was at it's height, I remember asking the doctor if we could just stop now.  I think I told Kenny a few times, "I can't do this."  I remember the moment the doctor told us, "It's a Girl!" and I cried with such surprised joy because I couldn't believe that God would give me two girls.  I remember how beautiful Elaine Oleta was, even as a squishy baby.  She had her brother and sister's beautiful brown eyes.  And I remember bringing her home and in the quiet of the night, watching her little body breathe up and down.
      I remember thinking that since she was my third, she'd be my laid back one.  But she isn't.  That character trait went to the middle child.  Instead, as far as 4 years can tell, she is my free spirit with a side of stubborn.  And while I complain about that challenging side, I watched her tonight in all her birthday glory and was charmed.  I see this little person who loves to entertain.  She wants to dance with you, for you, around you.  She wants to tell stories and tries adorably but incorrectly to include phrases she's heard others say.  And she wants nothing more than to live in her own make-believe world, surrounded by the people who love her.
     To my little dreamer, I pray your 4th birthday brought you the same joy that it did for me.  And while I know I can't keep you little, I'll hold onto 4 as long as I can.